Quietly, she sat across from me. This
gentle, wise intercessor, with her jet black hair and
tiny, well defined features. She had a heart of
gold and was one of the kindest, gentlest women I had
ever had the pleasure to meet. A question had
been asked and and by her response, I knew that she
had an insight that was swelling in her heart to
share. Turning to her, I asked her to speak.
As she began, her hand came up to her mouth and
covered her lips while she spoke gently about the
wonderful things that God had taught her about the
matter in question. I, distracted by her body
language, only partly heard her, but instead realized
that my heart was grieving and I didn't know why.
We stood facing each other in front of the
sanctuary doors discussing an issue that to me was not
an issue. This beautiful woman, with her stylish
golden hair and giant blue eyes had just received an
answer from me that she was not in agreement
with. Sucking in her lower lip, she chomped on
it in determination and walked away. The next
week, I noticed that her lower lip was blue and asked
her about it. She said that she had been chewing
on her lip for three days since our discussion.
Later in the month, I was talking to our resident
counselor when this woman passed by our window.
Absent mindedly, our eyes followed her graceful
movements to the stairs, where just before she
descended, she adjusted her neck several times and
moved her shoulders as if she were putting on a coat.
The counselor turned to me and said, "I've
noticed she does that a lot." The scene was
forever burned in my mind and I began to listen with
my eyes.
Sitting alone, three rows from the back, the
slender, sandy haired woman sat with her hands gently
resting in her lap, her back straight, her hair softly
framing her face. I had determined to be better
at greeting our new visitors and made haste to greet
her warmly. Extending my hand to her I joyfully
announced my name and welcomed her to our church
family. Immediately, she withdrew her hands from
her lap and crossed her arms in front of her while she
pulled her body away from me, tucking her head
slightly in a tilted, guarded manner. Every
question I asked of her was responded to with a one
word answer. Embarrassed, I graciously excused
myself and went to the gentle intercessor mentioned
above. Because the Lord was beginning to teach
me to listen with my eyes, I realized that my
personality and the volume of my voice had completely
overwhelmed her, and that to feel welcome, she needed
a much gentler approach. The intercessor was
just what was needed, and eventually our new guest
became a valued and talented addition to our church
family ... and to our intercessor team.
She leaned forward and crossing her arms in
her lap she watched the activities on the platform in
front of her. A humorous, vibrant beauty of a pastor's
wife was delightful to know. Her long, shiny red
hair fascinated me as the stage lights would catch the
various hues of her strands as they shifted with her
weight when ever she would speak to the
congregation. However, after several years of
observing those around me, I noticed the intensity of
her lower jaw, jutting out in determination, her lips
constantly chewed as she focused on the events of the
morning. Every time I saw her, I noticed her
lower jaw and the frayed lips. I'd seen this
before - and interestingly enough - on many pastors'
wives. What emotion lay beneath?
Leaning forward to concentrate on the
conversation in front of me, I suddenly became aware
of a dull, throbbing headache that stretched from just
below my left eye, running behind the eye and
cascading across the top of my skull. Sitting
back, I caught myself rubbing my left jaw and
wondering why I suddenly had this
headache. It was then that the Lord opened my
eyes to my own body language, as I remembered
that I had been gritting my teeth again in my
sleep. After years of learning body language,
being taught by God about my own behaviors and
watching people play out their lives, I realized that
obviously something was 'eating me', as gritting your
teeth is an expression of anger. The
conversation I was involved with was nothing that I
was knowingly angry about, and as I replayed several
scenes in my mind, listening to the Spirit's guidance,
I settled upon a word that someone had spoken to me
that had caused me to be uneasy about a developing
relationship. Ah ha! Now I knew where the anger
and frustration were coming from - and would now deal
with it in prayer.
As my relationships grew with the women I've
mentioned above, I learned the reasons behind their
body language. The wonderful intercessor that covered
her mouth when she spoke, later shared with me the
strictness with which her father had raised her and
her sisters, and that they were not allowed to speak
freely in their home, as it was a cultural taboo for
women to speak at all. In sharing my
observations with her body language the woman began to
realize that she had been cloaked in shame, and that
the slumping of her shoulders as well as the hiding of
her lips when she spoke, were symptoms of her
emotional woundedness. She now had something to
take to the Lord in prayer, and as she dealt with her
issues, I watched as she became a very bold and brave
teacher who set many a captive free from her
intercessions and faithful words.
The woman who adjusted her body as though she were
putting on a coat, as well as chewed her lips until
they became black and blue, later destroyed many lives
by her rebellion, defy ness, and bitter words.
Many a time, she had shared with our women's ministry
while she taught, that the Lord had dealt with her
regarding various issues about which she openly
refused to deal with. She told us that she had
built an emotional tower so tall that no one would
ever know who she really was. How foolish of us
all, not to see the deep gashing wounds this woman
revealed and acted out in her daily walk
with our church family. And how dangerous a
position we had put her in, to see only her gifted
ability to teach, and to not notice the red flags of
her body language which eventually brought the
destruction of our church as we knew it then.
The pastor's wife who chewed her lips is still a
pastor's wife; determined, beautiful, talented, and
brave. So brave that she is unaware that she is
bleeding all over the sanctuary floor from past wounds
and criticisms from 'well meaning' congregational
members who tapped into her greatest fear of never
being good enough. Even though she gives of
herself freely and abundantly, she had not paid
attention to her own needs for self approval and
inward thanks for who she is. This stress, if left
unchecked could have the potential to 'send her over
the edge' if not dealt with. A wise
congregational member who learns to listen with their
eyes will see her pain and lift her up in
intercession, breaking those strongholds that bind her
and speak openly and bravely to those who would
criticize her to others. It's true that only God
can heal the wounds she carries, but others around her
can do their part to lift the burden she carries so
that she can rest in who she is.
Many times, we get annoyed or angry at people and
don't even realize why. Even though we are
unaware of it, we are taking in all types of
information about a person when we watch them. A
person is not just words, they are billboards.
How they dress, their posture, their hand and body
movements speak loudly about the inward workings of
their heart. Are they protecting themselves from
pain by caressing their body with low, folded arms?
Have they been violated in the past and flee from
touch? Do they grab papers and items in front of them
and write their name on them to claim them as their
own? What are they afraid of loosing? What has been
taken from them? (I actually saw a doctor do this in a
meeting I was attending.)
Before you speak, judge or act, listen attentively
to what the Lord is showing you about His child before
you. There are clues all around ... what are
YOUR clues?
Ps 119:17-18
"Deal bountifully with Your servant,
That I may live and keep Your word.
Open my eyes, that I may see ..."
NKJV
| Guest
Gallery - Announcing April's Guest |
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Marriage
Ministries International
Mike
and Marilyn Phillips
Recovering from their own pain, this amazing
couple has gone beyond their own healing to reach out to marriages
around the world. Birthing marriage support groups in nearly every
nation on the earth, they instill hope and purpose through their
army of leaders to thousands of hurting couples.
<< Visit our Guest Gallery to
read more!
| April's
Best
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Words
That Don't Exist, But Should
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection
(lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater.
FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
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of resources.
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CARMAN:
The Champion
In
Carman: The Champion, Carman
plays a former boxing champ who now runs a youth center and also
teaches the kids about God. To pay for the new youth center
building he has to go back into the ring. Only his faith in
God helps him through the hard times.
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Joy in The Kitchen Volume
5 Issue 5
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