A Year Later - A Year Better

When I was in high school I had one of those pink diaries that had a small lock on the cover. A special key opened the cover and revealed pages and pages of secret thoughts and dreams. At least, that's what it was supposed to contain.

Why is it that some people have no problem at all journaling their thoughts while others do? Actually, its not the journaling - its actually getting the words written down! I journal in my mind all the time. Its writing everything down on paper that I seem to have difficulty with.

Thinking about those clean, lined pages of my diary so long ago, I remember the wondering if I was supposed to start out with "Dear Diary" or jot down the date and then began. I tried "Dear God" but that was weird on some days, because frankly and honestly, I wasn't so sure I wanted God to read my thoughts!

One journal I tried to keep, I even put little drawings on it in regards to what the weather was like that day. Recently I moved and while unpacking boxes, ran across that journal. It was fun to see my thoughts - and quite revealing too. Not much has really changed in regards to what is on my mind all the time - there's always a recurring thought. That's where "The Call" comes in. Obviously, my Call has never changed - or my thoughts and words would have too. I've always had a passion to help people with their dreams.

Staring at those pages written so long ago, I again thought of my first pink diary. Perhaps it was because I was in school, but I struggled with writing down my thoughts because if I wrote something that was poorly written or spelled wrong, I'd have to cross it out - and if I crossed it out - it would ruin my pages!

Then a horrid day came when my mother found my diary - unlocked - and like any woman I've ever known - she read it. Boy did I get in trouble later for some of the things I wrote in there! The diary was thrown in the trash.

If it couldn't be perfect - if it couldn't be all mine (and private) then why bother? Yet the yearning to write down my thoughts has never left me. No longer the wistful foolish thoughts of a teenage girl, but the thoughts of a grown woman with a few miles under her belt ... and many choices later. Yep - I have a lot to say and to share.

If anything that I've gone through could help another avoid the pitfalls, or encourage them to keep walking - my life will have been worth living. It is true that whatever you have the greatest passion to do - that is where the greatest obstacles will be for you to overcome. Don't ask me why. I don't have that one figured out yet. I guess its like what a bird experiences when it leaps from its nest. Gravity fights it and wind currents stir beneath it, yet it is all of these things that cause the bird to fly. Resistance makes it strong and sure in its flight.

My original intentions were to have my newsletter completely written and delivered thirty days apart. Twelve issues - one for each month. That was two years ago. I've just uploaded issue 4.

My past posts reflect my agony over time passing so quickly. It is what it is. Life can be overwhelming and more than busy - the secret is in putting one foot in front of the other and never stopping. It doesn't have to be a perfect step - and it doesn't have to be for anyone else but you.

Like a young girls diary, your footsteps speak of a future and a hope. Keep walking towards it. Keep dreaming and imagining what that will look like. Don't worry about being perfect, and don't worry about those that judge your steps as being foolish - just learn from your mistakes and keep walking.

Goodness! We ALL make mistakes.

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Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of 9/11. A good friend of mine celebrates her birthday tomorrow. She struggles with what her special day has come to mean to so many. Tonight on the TV, a firefighter said, "Its not the severity of an event that changes you; its how you interpret it that matters."

To my special friend - I wish you a beautiful and happy birthday. May your birthday be a reminder to all that life continues and even in the presence of death there is birth, and where there is fear - there is hope. May your life be a reminder of all the good things that are on this Earth and in those things may we think and spend our time the most.

One step at a time. Never mind mistakes, just keep walking.