Did You Think I Said What You Thought?

In my last post I referred to learning a new language - the language of an entrepreneur. Upon reflecting on my 'early' days of networking, I cringe at the thought of some of the words and phrases I used.

One memory in particular sticks out in my mind. I was attending a speakers conference as a service provider (that of a cartoonist). Not quite sure how to begin a conversation, I asked a group of women if they would like to get together later that evening and 'fellowship'. The laughed out loud and continued talking. One of the women pulled me to the side and said, "you must be a Christian" We don't use words like that here. She then explained to me that she was the daughter of a pastor, and although that language was familiar to me, it was not recognized in this setting. I honestly had no other word for "fellowship" other than that ... "fellowship!" (Now, I know that the word "They" use is NETWORKING.

Another memory that comes to mind was at another conference. This conference was a Christian conference and was a totally new experience for me. I and my friends were the only eight white people in a sea of deliciously 'colored' people. (I never saw myself as dull and colorless until that conference) These women were dressed in a celebration of colors, complete with beautiful head-wraps and fine hats, scarfs tied around their waste and clothes which looked like they were meant for an evening ball. (A true feast for my artist's eyes and an education when it came to celebrating my own femininity.)

At one point, we were invited to the pastor's home and as I "fellowshipped" with one of the women leaders of this conference, the two of us "got to talking" about babies (as women often do). I love telling good stories and was deeply engrossed in sharing the story of the birth of my daughter - whom I had given birth to at home.

The woman's eyes got wider and wider as I told her that half of our church was at the house, waiting for the birth of the baby. Women were in the kitchen cooking chocolate chip cookies and baking a roast for my family for afterwards. I told her that because I started worrying about how long it was taking for the baby to be born, I actually 'stopped' my labor. The mid-wife instructed me to take a walk around the block with my husband to get the labor started again - and while we walked, unknown to me, she instructed everyone in the house to go hide - and to BE QUIET.

When I got back home, the house was still. There wasn't a person in sight and you could hear a pin drop. I went back to our bedroom and WHAM ... my labor started in full force and in a very short while, our daughter was born.

Well, you should have seen the face on this lady as I shared this story. In the middle of describing who my labor kicked in when it was quiet ... the woman exclaimed, "QUIT!!!!"

So I did.

She popped up straight in her chair and shouted, "Why did you stop talking???"

I said, "You told me to quit, so I did. I figured you were tired of me talking!"

She threw her hands in the hair and howled with laughter. The other ladies in the room asked her what she was laughing so hard about and she told them what I had done. They too threw their hands in the air and squealed with laughter and literally rolled on the floor.

I just sat there. This time with MY mouth flopped open. The joke was on me. I wasn't quite sure what the joke was - but I sure felt white at the moment.

My memories of this conference are so rich. I asked so many stupid questions. Not intentionally - but because I was really curious. So what? How was I going to learn anything if I didn't ask questions?

Fast forward to today ...

As I reflect on the many memories and experiences I've had inside church and outside church, I'm amazed at how quick we are to judge poorly on what someone says, based upon our own frames of reference. How much easier it would be to just ask questions?

Our impatience to "get to the point" (or MAKE our point) often over shadows something so much richer - if we will but listen and ask questions . . . be patient - and most of all, have a great sense of humor.

If you are in the middle of a new culture, whether it is a racial culture or a corporate culture or a church culture, or a regional culture or ... (okay, it never ends) NOTICE your responses and before you jump the gun and come to the conclusion that the other party is 'arguing' with you, or dismissing you, or not of your belief system; LISTEN to what they are saying and repeat back what you hear. Allow them to CLARIFY if necessary. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you learn, and you might be amazed at how much you were actually on 'the same page' with the other person. There's something to be said about learning curves and crossing language barriers.

By the way - for the other folks who didn't get it when the lady told me to "QUIT" I've since learned that her exclamation was one of affirmation. It meant that my story was so good that she just "couldn't take it anymore". I guess its something like wanting to "Slap Yo' Mommma" when she cooks you a good meal ... (although I still haven't figured out that one.)